2025-02-22 sweetnsour toast beef ep 24

2025-02-22

Either way this is a podcast for pigs. It's gone on too long, and it's going to keep grinding away. Everyone should be ashamed. You can stack on the fraud and general abuse all day, it still won't change the way Imane is being handled, or in other words: how she's so handsy with Lily. The relationship is devastating to the girl's psyche, and it'll continue to do so. Either way, it's simply out of control and has spiralled. Google should simply take the channel down, but oh no there's a patreon too, there's everything they need to sustain the channel.

This episode is just plain exhausting, but there's no point in stating the same trash I've said over and over. I'm not sure what you want from me? Toast is certainly abusive, Lily is certainly abusive. Imane is hypersexual and displays it every single day/episode. Get over yourselves: it is a girl that needs mental health being addressed yesterday, the day before. That's what this is. The whole podcast is a walking mental illness on all sides.

The stage is set: Toast is sitting in the left hand poki orange seat. Lily and Imane are sitting side by side on the lily purple seat.

Recall: Toast and Lily desire marriage
- Toast is the husband to the hotwife
  - Begin
  - begin
  - begin
  - begin
  - begin
  - begin
  - 12:42PM eating
  - begin
  - begin
  - begin
  - begin typemonkey
  - begin typemonkey
  - begin typemonkey
    - ==by god how these episodes are over an hour is beyond me, yet i see it every single time.==
  - begin typemonkey
    - \you just want real beef
      - companionship
        
        not found
        
        o\tv
        
        are they all listening the whole time
      - if
        
        we ever get too deep woe is me
        
        streamer
        
        RAISE A FLAG
        
        your life must be so hard
        
        esports
        
        flirting
      - special guest
        
        long time friend
      - disguised toast
    - hi
  - real hasppy to be hear
    - podcast poki masne
      - lily throws paper at him
    - i'mn geuinely happy to be here
  - general cadence tone
    - do not misiterpret
      - what do you do is here
    - we juset taalk woe is me
      - streaming is so harxd
        
        milionaire problems
        
        here we go
        
        heard this up 5 tiomes before
      - what have you bee up to
        
        esports team, pokemon cards
      - esports owner
        
        which one?
        
        team in league of legends
        
        really cool
        
        came to our first game
        
        even though we got our ass whooped
        
        lost to 100T
        
        other esports creator teamed
        
        just know that you're more lovedd
        
        ==Valkyrae==
      - league of legends game
    - just get a few good moments at the beginning
      - you guys had the lead
        
        at some point you had the lead
        
        joy for a brief moment
        
        camera cut to you being joyful
      - introduce you
        
        how would yyou introduce
        
        lily speaks for him
        
        esports team coach
        
        some say many careers
        
        helped otv stay afloat
        
        many
        
        many
        
        years
        
        jinx
        
        double jinx
        
        should we kiss
        
        i just point people in the right direction
        
        yeah right
        
        i know in your head
        
        i helped it blossom motherfuckers
        
        i feel like
        
        point
        
        you point, and push the boat
      - you deserve a lot of credit for that
        
        some boats have a good engine
        
        some boats are heavy
        
        how heavy?
        
        a paddle
        
        stay there or inch format
        
        on their own they might not move on their own
        
        fire
        
        spotting talent
        
        one of the mreasons why you wanted to start an org
      - DSG
        
        7, 8?
        
        7 for sure
        
        yeah 7.
        
        you were good at spotting good talent creators
        
        does that translate to esports
        
        i can't think of storylines
        
        the hard thing is if you suck no one cares
        
        if you're good people care
        
        with talent it's easy
      - i see people as actors
        
        what roles do people play?
        
        star
        
        shameless
        
        chill being SUPPORTing big one
        
        everyone goes into a bucket
        
        kind of like an NBA team
        
        variety to mesh
        
        yeah! i agree with that
        
        i'm good at identifying roles
        
        getting content creator fo DSG
        
        wme mem em
        
        if i can hit blue in tekken
      - can i get at least paid $200 a month/$ 300
        
        no more than $400
        
        i'll play you 400
        
        bye offlinetv
        
        that was easy
        
        i wouldn't sign for DSG
        
        i'm part of OTV
        
        shouldn't i be bringing content creators on to OTV
      - combine
        
        dissolve it into DSG
        
        esports is not really worth it in general
        
        really
        
        really
        
        yeah
        
        how much time or effort into DSG
        
        how much
        
        is it a decent tax deductible
        
        technically
        
        there's a lot of that!
        
        1 million total
        
        a lot of money thrown into the garbage
        
        some would say
        
        also fun
        
        growing
        
        seeing players
        
        is it worth my time being an owner
        
        it brings me some sort of satisfaction
        
        there are better things for money
        
        i don't think you're doing it for the money
        
        DSG is your project, fulfilling
        
        that's cute
        
        yeah
        
        legacy passion?
        
        5 years
        
        i can see myself doing this for my last year
        
        what's the period
        
        threshold
        
        to doing again
        
        run itself without needing money every year
        
        when you look at lud and moist
        
        more financially strong than me
        
        shoify
        
        trillion dollar company
        
        support finanicially
        
        do i need someone bankrolling me?
        
        i don't know what the right answer is
        
        i thought it was smart to do that
        
        they're really smart successful
        
        partnering with a rich company
        
        cash flow.
        
        yeah
        
        lud and moist have you asked
        
        downside/upside of money, ROI
        
        what's the situation
        
        from what i understand 9:50
      - you need to find a sugar daddy
        
        DSG game, make one
        
        i would just do that period
        
        i love that you said period
        
        speaking of period and slay
        
        your hair
        
        it's very divisive
        
        brocolli
        
        audio owner
        
        qlittle bit of fade
        
        studs
        
        jeans
        
        pants
        
        black shirt
        
        "fly" "fllyyyy"
        
        they're not saying fly
        
        i like describing for audio only
        
        jay chao?
        
        windbreaker?
        
        whose that
        
        fine if of age
        
        here's a question
        
        do you find billie eillish attractive?
        
        yes - lily
        
        not into girls but type billie
        
        androgenous
        
        feel
        
        dressing
        
        easier time being attractive
        
        her songs are fire
        
        mhmh
        
        mhm
        
        would those girls be attracted to girls who are more feminine
        
        uh uh -l
        
        11:46
        
        i think not alwaays, but personally yes
        
        i like androgenous girls, both
        
        both combinations
        
        what about you
        
        what about do you find attractive
        
        or equivalent to billie eillish
        
        that'd be gay i'm not gay!
        
        imane laughs
        
        he says it like that
        
        guy equivalent
        
        guys that i find that's a good looking dude
        
        Michael Reeves
        
        Michael Reeves #Cuck #Cuckholdery
        
        12:35
        
        isn't it always like the typical
        
        i can't say brad pitt is ugly
        
        boooring
        
        if there was a feminine looking man
        
        most guys, they can't really see them as attractive
        
        because that would be gay
        
        close enough to being a woman
        
        not saying i feel that way
        
        but
        
        there is that block of masculinity
        
        that a guy looks little like girl
        
        ooh i gotta explore my sexuality
        
        i do find some tomboys attractive
        
        that's a girl
        
        that'd be ok
        
        they're a girl at the end of the day
        
        that's so confusing
        
        a lot of men struggle with sexual identity
        
        do you have an masculien blocks?
        
        cultural? societal? pressure.
        
        early on skin care, make up
        
        recently i went to korea
        
        microneedling
        
        your skin is looking so glowy
        
        tell us how it was the worst experience
        
        tell us
        
        tell us
        
        never broke a bone
        
        microneedling did hurt
        
        i was wincing
        
        nurse tech "stop being such a bitch"
        
        you like the results
        
        oooh im in a korean skincare clinic
        
        99 percent females
        
        you need therapy
        
        a lot of guys need therapy
        
        more pain more gain
        
        you come out looking hotter, push boundaries
        
        glower
        
        clear minder
        
        clear mind
        
        as time goes on
        
        even as you age
        
        just whatever
        
        you care a lot less as you get older
        
        few blockers
        
        a lot of guys struggle with that
        
        not to get political ==empty line==
        
        there's a masculinity identity being pushed towards young men ==false toast, it's the opposite with the transing of men. that's feminine. nice platitudes.==
        
        15:42
        
        unthinkable for a lot of young men skin care
        
        pushed more nowadays than more
        
        i used to think worse
        
        but now getting better
        
        bit more normalized?
        
        year or two feels so divisive
        
        polarizing
        
        one end or the other
        
        our real enemy is the billionaires #Hasan_Piker
        
        16:38
        
        but not millionaires
        
        millionaires are fine
        
        yeah for sure
        
        b not ok
        
        b not ok
        
        mhm
        
        mhm
        
        it's a pendulum
        
        focus on guys
        
        focus on woman
        
        last few years, swung to guys issues
        
        such a big focus on woman issues
        
        not guy issues
        
        i want to talk about things im going through
        
        more more influential figures on guys issues
        
        more coming out
        
        obviously both genders
        
        sometimes swing way too far sometimes it hurts women, too. ==either way it hurts women== 17:10
        
        oh ok can we just not hurt each other
        
        i like that
        
        i like that
        
        i think unforunately
        
        content
        
        no one cares about the guy in the middle
        
        90% of the people are more in the middle
        
        yeah! i would say!
        
        it's more entertaining when extreme
        
        vocal minority
        
        yeah vocal minority
        
        more polarizing more good
        
        we should lean into that we're seweet and sour
        
        have you had an incel arc
      - yeah
      - yeah
        
        paint it jokingly
        
        whose doing research
        
        maybe truth to joke
        
        15/16 years ago frequent league of legends subredditg
        
        accused lilypichu of all sort of things
        
        yeah maybe she is a bitch
        
        she did kick me in a wal-mart bitch
        
        I kicked her really fucking hard -lily
        
        she randomly does that -toast
        
        she does do that -imane
        
        toast agrees.
        
        all agree
        
        yup 18:32
        
        yup
        
        yup
        
        yup
        
        yup
        
        did not have an incel arc
        
        at one point was like wow
        
        love to learn how to talk to girls
        
        community online
        
        pick up artists
        
        how to pick up a chick
        
        i'd read about it "oh, you know this technique like negging"
        
        the one i hate
        
        lot of incel
        
        approval
        
        they want your approval
        
        oh to show confidence
        
        what not go too deep
        
        breaking it down
        
        negging does work on some girls
        
        it's not making the girl feel like shit
        
        or superiority
        
        it's banter
        
        if can joke with girl
        
        humour
        
        confidence
        
        conveyance
        
        incel girl make him feel bad
        
        it
        
        can lead you down wrong path
        
        pick up teaches what confident guy knows already
        
        incels just see it as a call her a slut, call her a bitch
        
        i will say it's incredible to have positive take aways
        
        from 20:15
      - to
    - havbe
  - positive
- takeaway
a lot of IQ points
- to do lily laugh
  - emotionally manipulative
    - you can get a girl with these tricks
      - unhealthy toxic relationship
        
        it's almost like they're leading men towards successful path
        
        you're just just putting them in another bad situation
        
        ==you're sitting beside a girl that men will make hate women way more. girls who lead men on to the end of time are the reason why incels even exist in the first place.==
      - 20:50
    - i'm glad you don't hate me now though
      - who said that
        
        she's one of my closest friend
        
        AWHHHHHHH
        
        sorry that was so loud
        
        we resonate on so many values
        
        overtime we learnt how to co-exist
        
        we have different views on how we handle our interactions
        
        yeah it's very peaceful now!
        
        21:30
        
        super peaceful
        
        i like this era of peace
        
        i h ope it lasts til we're old or wrinkly
        
        can we talk about when it wasn't peaceful
      - we realized we are different people and resolved it by drinking
    - give imane pov
  - so curious
    - so this was when i wasn't living with them
      - a good removed perspective
        
        close
        
        good friends
        
        cute dynamic
        
        close friends
        
        one day i hear they got into some sort of argument
      - and
        
        toast left to canada 22:29 #Shy
    - which is hilariously dramatic
  - *lily is casually hysterically laughing here *
    - i would do that leave to Canada
      - but
    - the thing im not gonna lie
      - too far?
        
        i heard you removed her off discord
        
        #shy
        
        ==lily is ecstatic to be litigating this again.== #Public_Humiliation
      - 22:46
    - the tea must be piping
  - lily reaches for mic 22:50
- because
listen
- you
  - can
    - fight
      - you can go back to Canada
        
        but
      - removing from Discord
        
        duh
        
        duh
        
        dun
    - in retrospect i'm so flattered, i had that effect
      - like
        
        damn
        
        you must have cared about me a lot
        
        that's how i see it
        
        very cute
        
        i think i heard from lil.,y
        
        i don't really, i don't even remember much
        
        lily gets a cuck call
        
        you ok?
        
        are you ok?
        
        i'm recording the podcast with toast
        
        and pokio
      - and toast
        
        i'm always here michael
        
        uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
        
        buahaha
        
        do you want to get food after 23:40
        
        i wanna wahoo at the house after
        
        #Cuck #Cuckholdery #Toast #MichaelReeves
        
        oh my
        
        can you be free at 2:30
        
        we'll be done at 2: 30
        
        no three
        
        three
        
        be ready for three
        
        he does that
        
        everyone else in otv was very worried, concerned
        
        what's going on
        
        blah
        
        blah
        
        ruffled feathers
      - concerned for lily 24:06 imane grabs Lily's thigh
        
        she cared so much about you
    - i know
      - so much about you and your friendship
        
        i'm very protective of lily because i love her so much
        
        days
        
        days
        
        worried
        
        randomly y'all got drunk and made up
        
        24:24
        
        everything was fine after
        
        to his credit
        
        he came with alcohol
        
        initiated the actual conversation
        
        &
        
        everything melted away
        
        this
        
        is
        
        really stupid
        
        we shouldn't have fought in first place
        
        i never want to do this again
        
        that is true
        
        that is true ==imane knew, narrative control==
        
        it was good communication and setting boundaries
        
        most friends, close friends in lives will have one really big fight at one point
        
        which shapes the dynamic ==not really. my close friends i've never had a heated fight that would really ever burn bridges per se. there's one, but it originated from #Twitch anyway.==
        
        25:
        
        05
        
        starts off like any big fight
        
        one feet over the line
        
        ok i'm going to cross two feet over the line
        
        that's what happened for me
        
        i crossed the line
        
        how do i hit back really hard
        
        then how do i hit hard back even harder than that
        
        i would have physically fought him
        
        we should box
        
        what made you think ok, i just want to resolve this
        
        &
        
        the best way is alcohol
        
        i always knew it was going to get resolved
        
        you knew even when deleting off discord
        
        see hear no evil
        
        see no evil
        
        i'm evil
        
        when i'm in a heightened emotional state
        
        having a conversation
        
        i know i'm going to escalate
        
        in the moment if i disagree
        
        i want to make it known
        
        what's best for me
        
        i need to not communicate, and not hear from them, i'll go with the blocking route
        
        it was michael who one day messaged
        
        did it in a funny michael way
        
        are you guys ever going to figure this out
        
        it's awkward
        
        that's so michael man
        
        i didn't know this piece of the lore, that's funny
        
        26:35
        
        did it because i know lily
        
        she porcupines up
        
        goes into shell
        
        oh yeah
        
        she could have kept it up for 4 or 5 months
        
        oh yeah
        
        that's why i worry
        
        because i know you go oooh
        
        sweet little sweet heart
        
        a long time
        
        try and start the process
        
        i was writing sad lyrics in my diary
        
        banger
        
        fire 27:14
        
        if you find those put them in the pod
        
        laughs
        
        no no my diary has tear stains on it
        
        so sad
        
        he hates me
        
        were good now
        
        this was yeares ago by the way
        
        most people ask about the specifics
        
        it doesn't matter
        
        i said something that hurt her feelings
      - that's what's really fucked up
        
        i didn't mean it like that
        
        very common relationship stuff
        
        friendship stuff ==saying something that hurts her feelings is being told like it's in a vacuum. common? not really when you contextualize the relationship. there are many sex acts going down in Lily & Toast & Michael's life between themselves.==
        
        gets misconstrued or rude
        
        wasn't communicated well
        
        no one did something
        
        i can attest to no one did something
        
        28:12 it was that inconsequential
        
        i barely remember it myself ==lie==
        
        well played on resolving it
      - well played to michael
    - toast laughs
  - so this is kind of awkward
    - michael messaging is so funny xD
      - can we talk about our fight
        
        it's between,
        
        generational years
        
        your children's children talking about it
        
        yeah
        
        you can lead us off
      - you should
    - me and poki have a lot of respect for each other
  - we differ a lot
    - painfully so
    - painfully so
      - ways on handling things
        
        two political parties:
        
        we want same result
        
        but
        
        we have different ideas
        
        whose the conversative
        
        uhm
        
        you look really cute
      - a lot of friction between us
        
        kept it really professional
        
        me and poki had really
        
        never a fight fight
        
        there was one
        
        the one over discord
        
        after i moved out
        
        that's the one i remember
        
        i don't really count that as a business fight
        
        it's personal, but it started off stream related
      - are you comfortable? yeah
    - yeah
  - i'm the listener here i'm the pod listener here
    - Friday the 13tht lobby
      - this is some ancient lore
        
        really is ancient
      - say your perspectgive
        
        then mine
      - lobby games
        
        voice chat
        
        ==dead by daylight==
        
        1v7
        
        innocent students
        
        lobby usual suspects
        
        sykkunno
        
        leslie
        
        rae
        
        all the common people
        
        yea
        
        me and poki
        
        were
        
        students
        
        &
        
        moment where in these games
        
        you're suppose to work together in these games
        
        voice chat obviously everyone is trolling
        
        there was an oppourtunity to do objective
        
        but i ratted her out to killer and ran away
      - annoying thing about the game is that you're just sitting there
        
        10 - 15 rminutes when killed
    - do this task together lol sykkuno she's here then books it
  - ==You're not trolling you're just being an asshole, farming imane for clips or stream points.== 31:43
    - pretty accurate
      - who was this who was that
        
        i recall that definitely in that moment
        
        doing what we should have done in the game
        
        sykkuno and you teamed up to give each other passes
      - all the years of amongus gameplay
        
        that had just added up
        
        straw that broke the camels back
        
        personality wise
        
        stickler on what's fair
        
        ==no, you just want to play the game without being griefed by your so called "friends""== 32:25
      - i was just like oh my god
        
        am i going to fall victim to this forever?
        
        my stream, my content matters too
        
        after the game i messaged toast
        
        i don't remember what it said
        
        it was unhappy
        
        "are we going to do this forever?"
        
        because it's happened so many times
        
        for you guys: play so many rounds, should do something a little more troll ==this is cope.==
        
        audience will like it, interactions with sykkuno, others
        
        being the butt of a joke
        
        who loses out was really upsetting
        
        personal perspective:
        
        feeling more and more
        
        ostracized
        
        in OTV
        
        wasn't anyone's particular fault
        
        personally, i had sentimence
        
        ==imane has no real friends in OTV, it's basically by design.==
        
        33:43
        
        big part of conversation
        
        i know you have friendship with sykkuno
        
        we're both in OTV
        
        we should care about each other
        
        ==essentially she's asking for the bare minimum.==
        
        33:55
      - i think i came into it hot
    - i'm going to come into it hotter, bitch
      - i don't want to further escalate
        
        so i tried to de-escalate
        
        check out our patreon we'll post the entire log
        
        i'm so down
        
        that's hilarious
        
        people will see the way i react
        
        someone pokes me i backhand them
        
        when you had further escalated
        
        this is just like \
        
        Lily is entranced into Imane speaking 34:37. Point for Lily same with thigh grabbing
        
        emotional reaction -> emtional conversation
        
        "this is not going to be pretty"
      - i tried to de-escalate sort
    - 34:47
      - it was awhile ago
        
        logs are there
        
        but
        
        the way i reacted i'm confident with it
        
        i want to read it i want to read it i want to read it whisper
        
        &
        
        you would read it so fast
        
        when you block someone off of discord and delete them are the logs still there
      - block lily?
        
        i definitely blocked lily, not imane
    - to be fair, there's a good amount of girls i blocked
      - oooh shit
  - to what you're saying
    - when sending the message
      - it's a pattern not about the one game
        
        way more than just what happened
        
        i remember the otv stuff happening at the same time
- this is about OTV and your place in it, and my role in OTV ==doesn't sound like it. sounds like toast has griefed one too many of his friend's lobbies. i would know because i use to play team fortress 2 and if someone was griefing in any unfunny way period, people would shit talk them instantly. it's simply being a poor friend.==
  - 35:45
    - this isn't just about the game
      - years of build-up
        
        that was a big fight
      - this was one of few personal fights
    - we don't fight on a personal basis
  - business basis quite often
  - hehehehe
    - after that i should give pok-
      - you are correctg:
        
        stickler for the roles
        
        that's what i've learnt about you
        
        you don't like trolls
      - almost like playing characters
    - no one's trying to win
      - it's ok if there's a losing partner
        
        in those among us lobbies
      - there were always some favourites
        
        and some people who were filler content
        
        i became filler content too many times
        
        this entire podcast episode generational trauma
        
        among us covid
        
        unpacking among us during covid
        
        i talk about it so often, it's so hard to balance
        
        ==it's hard not being a pretentious prick.==
      - 37:02
    - after the among us era
      - [streamers] come up to me "i hated that era"
        
        streamers and friends
        
        then why ask?
        
        every lobby
      - that's what pisses me off
    - sykkuno corpse rae toast show
  - kept asking for invites ==because streaming is hard, and being filler is the next best thing other than sitting around in the Just Chatting category.==
- i feel like there is so much juice in among us eera
  - before i want to finish talking about us
    - in that discord conversation
      - it struck me so sdeeply
    - i remember the impact on me
  - back and forth
    - it ended
      - said "whatever companionship you're looking for, you're not going to find it in OTV"
        
        i dont think i said that in the friday the 13th
      - you talk about this a lot
        
        familial feeling from OTV? nope
        
        when you see toast and lily
        
        not close
        
        i always felt bad that's always what you wanted from OTV
        
        but
        
        you never got it
        
        it was more like
    - i don't know if your relationship with the current people, it won't blossom into the relationship like that, the one you're looking for (mine).
  - you and scarra, you and me, won't be besties ==thank god==
    - we aren't going to besties, but i still respect you
      - that's how i see a lot of friends
        
        naturally vibe
      - you and i were never going to reach a level of comfort that i have with other people
    - i don't know if you were going to reach that with other people ==clearly you thought so.==
  - i know
    - sorry go ahead
      - she really wants this, but i don't think she's going to get it in OTV
        
        that was hurtful
        
        but
        
        on the other hand it wasn't the intention of hurting me
      - it was a problem solving way
    - problem solver
      - "oh i recognize that, this is what you desire, this is my perception, i'm being honest"
        
        in some ways,
        
        that was good for me to hear
        
        also i completely agree you can't force friendship like that
        
        even me and lily
        
        wee got the closest outside of OTV
        
        for me,
      - i was expecting some sort of sentiment ==bare minimum=
    - being on the same team, or having back
  - broke my heart that i couldn't even feel that in certain moments
    - you being honest
      - you just can't have that expectation
        
        long term really helpful for me
      - so, i thank you
    - no problem
  - big part of relates to
    - both in OTV
      - viewed how things should be ran 41:03
    - business side of differences
      - the way you see things is smart,
        
        &
        
        rude
        
        i knew it
        
        i knew it
        
        that's it
  - tell me more
    - options always presented i always agreed with the best best level
      - it won't be the best in terms of relationship building in the case of OTV
        
        i totally get that, i'm an optimizer, i suggest with the purpose of business and success
    - i feel like, dont take this badly
      - in hindsight i wish you were more honest with that about me to my fafce
        
        hey we should do this way on this channel
        
        i totally get that, it might perform better on analysis
        
        but
        
        everyone would feel better if we did it this way
        
        more happy
        
        "oh my god slay"
      - when it came to meetings
        
        i'm a yapper i'm going to say what i think all the time.
        
        i wound up just feeling my opinions being stated when im not around ==talking behind back. that's what hotwife & co. do to a disgusting degree.==
        
        42:44
    - i want to learn from you, or anyone else
  - maybe a good habit
    - you
    - lily
    - scarra
      - as an elder as mine
        
        not that you guys are old
        
        i never felt like you guys viewed me like a little sister, we should take care of teach, and guide
        
        i think that's what i yearned for
        
        yeah
        
        i never saw you as a little sister
        
        i felt like you were even terms
      - what was difficult from the very beginning
    - we were all emotionally underdeveloped
  - we never established how to communicate effectively
- a few instances later "what's the point im not going to talk directly"
  - easier
    - to path of least issues
      - ==least resistance==
        
        lot of conflicts, even when manager
        
        oof this is a lot
        
        3 or 4 hour meeting
        
        every meeting
        
        you zone out
      - you start to lose the plot
        
        why are we in this 4,5,6 hour thing ==good point Lily. same way i don't understand how these podcasts can go past one hour every time. you just start to zone out or something.==
    - meeting
  - we just never (i guess) established good communication
- it's easy for me to "yeah i'm not going to fight her in the meeting, i'm just going to complain later to my friend." #Confessional #Snake 44:32
  - to my credit
    - poki once messaged me
      - look
    - "hey you know, people have been talking bad about me."
      - my response:
        
        professionally or personally
        
        if it was personal, that didn't happen
        
        if it was professionally = it's hysterical, he's so funny
    - yeah that was me talking shit
  - one thing i appreciated
    - yeah i was talking shit
      - it wouldn't be too much, wouldn't hurt friendship too much
  - i can take anything on the chin, whatever that saying is
    - if it's personal: you're being a bitch to that guy
      - i respect your opinion
    - maybe it's unfair to you
      - perception: does he not think i can handle it?
        
        he should know me better
      - that
        
        we can have good productive conversations
  - beef
    - perception
      - very uncomfortable with a lot of effort
        
        when i tell you that you're doing something wrong
      - "oh can you give me a specific"
        
        it's a work meet ing
    - you do a good job at being analytical
      - you're somebody who needs the evidence
        
        bibliography
        
        references
        
        if i provide all that, you'd hear me out
    - what was the problem?
      - easy enough to not talk about
        
        "it's more what's the point of putting in a lot of effort"
  - can i yap now?
    - yeah
    - yeah
    - yeah
      - have you ever cheated in among us?
        
        no
        
        no
        
        no
      - in real life
        
        no
        
        no
  - can i expand the question
    - do you think people cheated in among us? not just you
- yes
  - yes
    - i for sure know, i'm going to do chat emote only, i'm really going to look at chat and make good guesses
      - i've known people to throw games
        
        that's one of the reasons i stopped playing among us
        
        content is good
        
        but
        
        it's more fun when it's a puzzle
        
        if it's int'd "youtube title" ==sounds like this is what Toast does casually, he agrees, though. quit = farmed, even though toast is just farming imane==
      - ugh
        
        ugh
  - after that happened
    - some of my best moments figuring crazy
      - never cheated
        
        caught once
      - i'm doomed
        
        that's your thing the detective
        
        detective toast
        
        that'd be really cute
      - professor layton
        
        detective toast
      - that's a banger toast
      - banger
      - banger
        
        i agree
        
        little stachy, little hatty
        
        49:00
        
        i'm not actually that smart, i think, it's the character
        
        yeah it's the character.
      - more the rep
        
        more than anything
        
        brandable
        
        marketable
        
        how fun it is to expand on that story
    - i think you're smart, why not? strategic.
      - what makes me smart?
        
        card games
        
        social deception game
      - more good at lying
        
        many of our friends aren't good at lying
      - it's really cute
        
        i'm right here!!
    - i'm smart because i'm in a room of dumbasses
  - "it's not me!!" i've said that in among us so many times "i don't underrstand"
- imported a lot of trauma
  - long lasting effects from a "simple game"
    - good era, there was some good
      - yeah, you should play among us again
frustrations
- you hated those among us games, why would you want to be invited
  - you never asked for me to join me an among us lob
- 50:38 lily and imane are holding hands, imane holds lily's head ==point for lily==
  - ==either way==
- she wants to be invited and say no
  - eventually i completely distanced myself, I remember, do you remember this ?
    - you didn't want to open yourself up to her, disappointment of not being invited
      - me with so many guys -imane ==yeah imane, now you can just hold lily's hands and hold her head for, very nice.== 50:59
    - ok
      - alright
    - ok
      - alright
- go on
  - with lily it's more
    - i felt like you didn't even enjoy the game that much
      - i enjoyed friendship and being invited
    - i need people who actually want to play the game
      - lily i can invite her, but she doesn't like the game
    - she just wants to be include
      - in the sense that i enjoy playing league with you guys
    - all you want is league
      - we're talking about among us
    - playing with friends, all fun, nice
      - after a certain point: everyone wanted to be invited. became business-y
        
        happy go lucky is what i want
  - you don't have what it takes to survive in those lobbies
    - people are going to act selfish
      - became less about a group of friends having fun
      - 52:15
    - it's like a band, band that got famous no longer about music, it's about sales
      - ok wait
        
        so
      - back in the day
        
        what was your thought process on how to make lobbies
        
        how did it develop
        
        it's contentious and complicated, juggling friendships
        
        period.
        
        i didn't feel the social tension of it until 6 months later
        
        at the beginning easy
      - set a time, whose in, yipeee
    - always people waiting in line
  - we have so much fills lined up
    - please please please, looking back, please just a crumb of clout
- i want to play
  - just a crumb of clout
    - ugh whose next come on in
      - so many people who want to play
- the way i made them
  - me sykkuno rae, always guaranteed
    - corpse comes in and out
      - true
    - not sure if that's going to get me cancelled
- i like corpse a lot, he's my fav to chill with
  - hard with corpse:
    - forcing that the idea the four of us are best friends
      - corpse never asked
        
        outside forces
      - you
      - sykkuno
      - rae
      - corpse
        
        you four are best friends
        
        allll the time
  - i talk to sykkuno
  - i taalk to rae occasionally
  - corpse once a month 54:25
    - expect a friendship all 4 to have
      - again none of this relates to corpse at all ==sure does? seems like there's some relation.==
    - yeah
  - the giant among us fan base
    - the perception that made you feel disingenuous
      - "i message corpse once a month" WOAH!! my fantasy is ruined
- sykkuno, rae, reserved
  - sometimes lily, poki, peter
    - you need a mix of people ok with dying
  - peter, abe
    - always makes it, you can kill them first
      - a lot of people
  - great sports
    - a lot of people hesitate killing me
      - sykkuno, me
- poki does not hesitate to kill me, i'm trying to win, take him out
  - actually so true
    - he figured me out so fucking fast
      - couldn't say or do anything
    - kill him first
    - early on
  - I played with TinaKitten, wow
    - really good personality
      - ohhh
      - that's cute!
      - encourage, push her
        
        to do content
        
        i felt comfortable with that
        
        she's such a bright soul
        
        yes she isssssssssss
  - i was in canada for 3 months personal reasons
    - some people feel really weird about you and Tina
- one of our friends that hangs out with the girls
  - i remember some friends are really like, spending so much time with Tina
    - questioning your intentions
      - "you know she's 7 years younger than you"
        
        implying that i have ulterior motives
        
        56:42
    - did you guys spend a lot of time together?
  - just stream stuff.
    - oh you didn't stream this week
      - parent/older brother
    - "did you do your homework"
  - i didn't talk with her as much afterwards
    - i didn't want it to be a weird thing
      - that's really sad
- after that lobbies were a little less fun
  - i knew when people made that comment
    - they weren't concerned with groom
      - jealous of intention, push for other people more
    - i have a golden boy, or golden girl
  - whom i focus on
    - over the years this guy is really great, this girl
      - play with them
  - were jealous, people were, all that extra effort TinaKitten
    - reaching really high numbers
- they wanted to be like "why wasn't it me?"
  - 58:00
- probably not interested in me, or her
  - i knew like it was more insecurity than anything else
    - than actual malice
      - then i was like "i'm done with the lobbies"
    - i regret trying to make everyone happy
  - can't make everyone happy
- fuck everyone
  - i'm having a great time at the beginning
    - people sad, happy
      - you didn't invite them
    - 4 lobbies
      - go through all these lobbies
  - i got burnt out
    - like a burnt toast
      - awwwhh
- play with people i care about
  - people put a lot of responsibility on you
    - even make careers
      - depedent
    - disappointment
      - expectations
        
        burn you out
        
        i remember observingg this "wow, that's kind of unfair"
        
        whispers ya
      - how do you feel now
    - tournaments
  - events
- balance friends who to invite who to not
i dont really care anymore?
- ~~Lily and Imane are straddled, hugging each other 59:59~~ ✅✅
  - hey you know, if there's a drop let me know
    - we gre
  - 1:00:52 Lily is laying her head down on Imane's shoulder and spooning her.
- you've known me seven years ==point lily==
  - i'm still a baby
    - chillest you've ever been
      - one thing you do really well prioritize relationship, friendship
- you've reached a professional point
  - 3-4 years grinding you sacked relationship.
    - "i could do this but it's going to hurt me professionally"
      - now you can make up for lost time
at the beginning you were somewhat grinding
- you had the shamelessness needed
  - anyone 20-22 crumb of validation they're all going to shameless
    - liked to sacrifice more for friends if there was more straightforward oppourtunity ==because everyone in your circle is a snake and still are.==
  - 1:02:33
- a little bit older
- a little more mature
  - she doing her thing
    - little bit of dynamic
      - but
    - now we're all friends
      - i definitely got closer to you since last year
        
        i think you have a strong personality
      - that will vibe well with people
    - poki
      - lily does not have a strong personality
        
        hey come on really
      - it's gotten stronger
    - you've gotten weaker
  - doormat
    - when was last time door mat
- serious question
  - hard to be put on spot
    - if you ask for examples i have none
      - just take what i say
    - going off vibes alone
- i am living my good life now
  - lily agrees to a lot of things
    - i have to refute you on thise
- it's not only making others happy
  - also trying new things
new things
- really good time, meet new people
  - what if it's really good for me
- that's why i agree for things
  - door mat
    - say one more time i will kill you
- she's more confident in herself
  - i was mostly joking
- stand by her values
  - any conflict?
    - nah.
- both sides
  - last year i'm going to speak up about this
    - "no this is as problem "
  - she'll state her opinion
    - turning point:
      - otv discussion you and lily were not in agreement
        
        which happens a lot
      - i don't know if i agree with that
    - she disagreed with poki! #Shy 1:05:10
  - i love that shit, rather than hearing it later on how
    - "lily didn't really agree with you, she didn't feel comfortable saying it"
      - wasn't often, just saying
        
        boy pops or girlie pops just say it in the group chat
- when i stay out of it, do i want to expend the energy to speak up to get into this whole conversation 90% of the time it just isn't worth it.
  - when i care about something, i care about something ==oh my god caring?==
    - i'll get all emotional
    - upset
      - i just want to chill
        
        but now there's stuff i care aboujt now
        
        i care about this relationship/issue or whatever
        
        even with you
        
        in
        
        the
      - past
        
        say something
    - but now being outspoken about something .1% of energy, for others a lot.
      - for me it's 125% -lily
  - now you're grown up you can do what you want to do, and say no to things.
    - no one is going to kill you, hopefully
- lily speaks from an emotional side
me and lily banter a lot
- maybe 10% of the time says strick a nerve
  - let's really talk about that
- on a logical level where is the line 1:07:33 #Shy
nowadays
- korea
  - i made a joke
    - i don't like when you talk about that
      - "ok i won't."
    - i feel like that wasn't genuine enough
      - after 15 minutes we were fine
        
        i feel comfortable telling you, safe.
      - hope you feel safe telling me.
        
        logic me
      - do you have the right to be upset?
  - it's not really about right or wrong
- my priority now is making she's ok
  - i understand, i'll avoid in the fture
- how did toast change?
  - toast now, not 7 years ago
    - not that you were bad then
- those lines of communicating have straightened out
  - for awhile you were saying "concussion from wrestling"
    - pre/post boxing personality change
  - concussion slower in intelligence/reaction
    - life experience at the same time as boxing match
- he's a good person, over the years
  - so you're saying he's a bad person
- ==lily animates: you're twisting my words, i am not comfortable with this interaction== #Intimidation_Play 1:09:50
  - i'm so sorry that was a joke, didn't take it the wrong way
    - i think you've mellowed out,
      - you also had a grindy phase
    - for a very long time
      - hyper competitive
    - streaming
  - your priorities shifted
    - i feel like that made you strong in general
      - prior to the shift:
        
        friends as competition?
        
        i mostly focused on strategy
        
        no competition
      - overlap? TFT & Scarra
    - Scarra wanted to focus on TFT as well
  - I streamed before any TFT and after.
    - Scarra only person i raid into
      - awwwhhh
    - we love scarra
  - we were competiting
    - i treat everyone in my category
      - compeition first
        
        that's why my relationships aren't very good
    - i'm not best buddies from anyone hearthstone
  - good viewership? yeah i'm doing great, i'll post. social aspect.
    - when i moved to LA, new years countdown streaming
- social stigma
  - streaming on new years? that's weird
    - hey why are you streaming end your stream
      - are you happy without the grind?
    - idk
      - i do miss being able to grind something
    - DSG is a grind?
      - at the end of the day
        
        play detective toast
      - doormat head ass
    - do you want to say how he feels
  - this is for the viewers
    - he's good, he's always been good
      - smarticle particle
        
        that'ps the most you're getting out of lilypichu
        
        you know
        
        you know
        
        we know
- how have you changed?
  - i'm able to communicate more effectively
    - what's right what's right
      - how you make people feel, do you care about them enough to change?
        
        i'm not going to expend the energy for some
        
        but
        
        for you two, making you feel better, maintaining relationship
      - so proud of you
what's the biggest paycheck you've gotten from a brand deal?
- one time paycheck $500,000
  - it's a lot of money
    - over the year
      - 10 year career
        
        biggest number on a contract, not including facebook
      - spicy conflict
        
        two prouds
finishing thoughts?>
- how much you love us, how you value our friendship
  - friends forever
    - for real
    - for real
      - if not i will cry in the diary again
        
        i'll mail tear stained
- thank you for having me
lily and poki i enjoy talking to them.
- no filter
  - you two have less filter than me